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Hello!

First things first I am in love with this Cynthia Rowley swimsuit. This sunblock is my new favorite, I go through so much sunblock here and I just love the smell and wear of this one. Also, these are some of my favorite sunglasses and flip flops. We get to go to Lake Powell in a few weeks, so warmer swimsuits are on my mind. Full disclosure this post is a personal one, so if your just here for the fashion you’ve reached the end of the road with this post.

I finished the Brené Brown book “Braving the Wilderness”, ahhhh, thanks Brené.  The biggest take away for me from this book was JOY MATTERS.

There were so many good things, but by far JOY MATTERS was the stand out for me. She talked about how over 15 years of her work and what she observed how people came back after tragedy, she used the examples of genocide and child loss. The two major factors were GRATITUDE and JOY.

Gratitude I get. Ever since reading Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant, I get it. Frequently I will make a list of three things that brought me joy that day. Or in my day I will think this is going to make my list. It’s been so helpful and it’s made me realize my life is enough today, in this moment it’s everything. Thinking about the moments of joy forces you into the present moment.

Joy in the sense of doing things that might seem silly that bring you joy, I have deeply struggled with. So it’s so bananas to me she touches on this specifically in her book. I have always been drawn to fashion, I love fashion. It’s all I have ever wanted to do. After August died it’s been really hard for me. There is this inner struggle of why do I care about this stuff? Who cares what people wear? People are suffering. I started to spiral into a really bad place and found myself wishing I had picked a more meaningful profession.

I stopped doing my blog this summer because I thought, who cares? Then when Brené used the specific example of a Mom who wanted to decorate minion cupcakes for her son…but felt like it was frivolous because people are dying in the world and there are so many horrible things going on around us. She said it matters because JOY MATTERS. That doesn’t mean not having an awareness  of what is going on in the world. It’s having an awareness , doing what you can to help, but also focusing in on your own life and making a difference there. “Staying zoomed into your life gives a sense of true belonging and joy.”

So this is going to be a major focus of my blog, finding joy. I want to help you find joy. So I want you to take the challenge of writing down every night three things that bring you joy. Then report back in a few days, weeks. See how you feel after looking for joy in your everyday.

Another thing that would be great is if you think back to what you loved to do as a child and maybe think about doing that again. I remember sitting on the cement sign of my elementary school with my friend Stephanie and we would draw clothes together. Outfits we wanted to wear on these little index cards. I remember at the same time we were doing this my Dad had just been diagnosed with cancer that would take his life three years later. But those small moments, the ones that bring you joy matter. Because the truth is life can be hard. So you have to weave happiness into it, you have to make a conscious effort.

I keep a personal family blog and this is an example of three things that brought me Joy in a day and also a letter to August.

Three moments of joy today….

Henry telling me all about his baseball game and how much fun it was. The smile on his face, his excitement.

George playing hello kitty with Gib, being so silly.

All of us playing Clue.

Resting.

Walking on the beach, the feel of the cold water on my feet, the sand, the warm sun. Chai tea.

Practicing being present.

Oh August.

I miss you so much. It just hurts. I carry pain often, I feel so different now then when you were here. I miss you. I want you back in our family. I know you are still a part of our family but just not how I wish you were. I want you here with us now, physically present. What would you be like now?

I think I have a good grasp of that and it feels like a gift. There is so much of you in George and I know so much of George in you. I wish so much you were here. I know I need to stay hopeful, but it will always hurt.

Guide me August, help me be the Mom, wife, friend, I want to be. Help me to be thoughtful, loving, helpful, compassionate and fun. To not lose myself in the disappointment and sorrows of life.

Help me to bring out my joy, that I once had, I feel it at times, help me honor my sadness too…all of my emotions, help me to accept them and the situation. Help me to be authentic and kind, help me to stay inspired and live a full life for you and for your brothers.

August I love you.

Love, Mom