Over the weekend I decide to re-read, or rather re-listen to, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.

This book is pretty incredible, I am a huge fan of Brené Brown. What are the gifts of imperfection? They are courage, compassion, and connection.

She has introduced me to concepts such as authenticity, shame resilience, that being perfect doesn’t exist, that in order to love others I need to love myself, how to have self-compassion, and what hope and faith really are.

One of my favorite quotes of hers is about perfectionism. I come from a land of perfectionism so this really resonated with me. I have had the opportunity in my own life to see how perfectionism tears people apart and creates an environment for complete and total judgment and not a lot of empathy or compassion.

“Perfectionism never happens in a vacuum. It touches everyone around us. We pass it down to our children, we infect our workplace with impossible expectations, and it’s suffocating for our friends and families. Thankfully, compassion also spreads quickly. When we’re kind to ourselves, we create a reservoir of compassion that we can extend to others.”

I also love this thought on authenticity, having a voice and being yourself.

“Our unexpressed ideas, opinions, and contributions don’t just go away. They are likely to fester and eat away at our worthiness. I think we should be born with a warning label similar to the ones that come on cigarette packages: Caution: If you trade in your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

A few things that she talked about in the book that I really love are a focus on having joy―joy happens when we realize how good things really are―and the importance of setting boundaries.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough. Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”

My most favorite thought from the book is “The opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty.”

For me after August’s death I wanted all the answers, I looked, read, search for anything to help me understand.  What I found is there aren’t definite answers, there isn’t something that will just take the pain away or make it all make sense.  After scouring over certainty I have found a lot of peace in knowing that life is largely a mystery and there is a lot we don’t know and can I be comfortable in that space? Especially being raised in the background I have been raised in.  She talks about how you can change trauma into whole-hearted living by staying mindful, being resourceful, seeking help, etc.

“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating we are all connected to each other through a higher power. Our connection to each other and that power are grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings meaning and purpose to our lives.”

She talks about how God is in all of us.  I think that’s really beautiful.  Other thoughts were to be creative, dance, paint, cook, build something, take time out to do these things.  We were all born to create and if you want to create meaning you should create.  I know that when I am creating I feel peace, joy, and happiness.  She also talks about cutting back and not living a life where you are so busy you don’t have time to just hang out with your family, relax and the importance of play.  Also the importance of exercise, doing something for yourself and something for someone else daily.

It’s actually really challenging, to sum up, this book because it is a gold mine of pure wisdom nuggets! I haven’t even touched on an eighth of this book.  A lot to ponder, think about and live. I highly recommend any of Brené Brown’s books.

I will leave you with one last quote:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Hope you are having a beautiful day.

Love, Tiffany